Questions for Your Lawyer

Organized by topic so you can prepare for each meeting. Print this page or save it to your phone.

First Consultation

These questions help you evaluate whether this attorney is right for your case and understand what to expect.

1.What percentage of your practice focuses on divorce cases for people over 45?
2.Are you familiar with QDROs and dividing retirement accounts?
3.What is your fee structure — hourly, retainer, flat fee? What's a realistic total cost estimate?
4.How long does a gray divorce typically take in our state/county?
5.Do you recommend mediation, collaborative divorce, or litigation for my situation?
6.Who else might I need on my team — financial advisor, forensic accountant, therapist?
7.What should I absolutely NOT do right now that could hurt my case?
8.How will we communicate, and how quickly can I expect responses?

Make sure nothing is hidden or undervalued. These questions protect your financial interests.

1.Is our state a community property or equitable distribution state? What does that mean for me?
2.How do we determine the current value of the marital home? Do we need an appraisal?
3.My spouse owns a business — how do we determine its value? Do we need a forensic accountant?
4.What happens to assets I brought into the marriage or inherited during it?
5.How are stock options, RSUs, and deferred compensation handled?
6.I suspect my spouse may be hiding assets. What can we do?
7.Should I keep the house or sell it? What are the financial implications of each?
8.How do we handle jointly owned investment or brokerage accounts?
9.What about frequent flyer miles, reward points, or cryptocurrency?

For women over 45, retirement accounts are often the largest marital asset. Don't leave money on the table.

1.Am I entitled to a portion of my spouse's 401(k), IRA, or pension?
2.What is a QDRO, and when do we need one? Who prepares it?
3.If I've been married 10+ years, can I claim Social Security benefits based on my spouse's record?
4.How do we value a defined benefit pension plan?
5.What are the tax implications of dividing retirement accounts?
6.Should I take a lump sum or keep my share in the retirement account?
7.What happens to my health insurance coverage from my spouse's employer?

If you earned less or stayed home during the marriage, spousal support can be critical for your financial stability.

1.Am I likely to receive spousal support? For how long?
2.How is the amount of alimony calculated in our state?
3.What factors does the court consider — length of marriage, age, health, earning capacity?
4.Is there a difference between temporary and permanent alimony?
5.Can alimony be modified later if circumstances change?
6.What happens to alimony if my ex-spouse retires?
7.Should alimony be structured as a lump sum or monthly payments? What are the tax differences?
8.If I haven't worked in years, will the court expect me to find a job? How soon?

Divorce has major tax consequences that are easy to overlook. Ask these before you agree to any settlement terms.

These questions address safety, urgency, and common mistakes women make during gray divorce.

1.Should I open my own bank account and credit card now?
2.What if my spouse cuts off access to joint accounts?
3.Should I change beneficiaries on life insurance and retirement accounts?
4.How do I protect my credit score during the divorce?
5.What documents should I copy or secure right away?
6.Is there anything my spouse could do to dissipate marital assets? How do I prevent it?
7.If I feel financially controlled or pressured, what are my legal options?
8.What are the biggest mistakes you see women my age make during divorce?

Bring your Asset Checklist progress — it shows your lawyer what you've found and what's missing
Take notes or ask if you can record the meeting
Don't be afraid to say "I don't understand" — a good lawyer will explain in plain language
If something feels wrong or unfair in their answer, get a second opinion